Chapter 10: A Maniac Without a Gun

[Taylor Jones]

"Whats wrong with white powdered wigs? I was planning on getting you a white powdered wig and a Gap sweater for your birthday." Taylor says.

She looks at him with a bewildered expression. "Oh, so...wait, what? Who was just a lady on the street? The shoulder pierced person? Or your fake girlfriend? Or were they the same person?" She asks, feeling confused.

[Calithin Crest]

"I can't believe... You're taking that story seriously and actually asking questions to try and understand it. There is no method to this madness, homie. You gotta roll with the punches. It's like dancing. Not dirty dancing though, and certainly not the lackluster sequel... Havana nights. As if I care about Cuba. Shoot me in the face why don't you."

I pause to gulp down some cola and sigh.

"Fake-girlfriend was a third party stranger, different than shoulder-piercing lady. That was a weird day for me. But oh! I did have a break through on that day though. I want confetti everywhere. I want the whole world covered with confetti. You should get on that."

[Taylor Jones]

Taylor decides its best not to question Calithin and just finishes her soup instead. She looks up at him. "Has anyone ever told you that you're a little...eccentric?" Really, shes been working for him long enough that she should be used to his behavior, but he is somewhat unpredictable.

She takes a swig of her coke. "You about ready to head to the office?"

[Calithin Crest]

I shrug.

"It's just for the ladies. Ladies love insanity. Cult leaders have like 90 wives. Seriously."

I finish my sandwich and down the rest of my cola in one big swig.

"Yup. We can head out now."

I pay the tab for both of us, to be polite, and walk out of the cafe feeling full and happy.

"You know, the phrase 'Money doesn't by happiness' should really end with '... Just kidding.' I was thinking about that the other day. I mean... Money buys a jet ski. Have you ever seen a sad person on a jet ski? I dare you to try and even frown on one of those things. Answer to that riddle: impossible.'

[Taylor Jones]

"Ladies love insanity? I wasn't aware." Taylor says, with a shrug. "But if thats true then the ladies must be lining up to get with you."

She was reaching for her purse to pick up the tab, but Calithin beat her to it.

She considers that for a moment. "Hm. Well, I guess in some ways thats true, but what if theres something that someone wants, and all the money in the world can't buy it, but they won't be happy without it? Money can't buy their happiness."

[Calithin Crest]

"They do! They do wait in line. Not single file though. They're feisty. They get into fights and stuff. They push. You'd think it was Victoria Secret's semi-annual sale or something. It got so bad I had to get 'lady insurance,' which is super expensive by the way. Oprah is doing a special on it next week. Check your local listings."

I pause and consider the scenario she just put in front of me.

"Well, then that person can just buy pills to make themselves happy. All emotions are just chemical reactions in the brain, right? Happiness, sadness, fear, anger, ect. Soooo... Therefore... You just need medication to reproduce that same reaction in your brain artificially and you'll be happy. In the most literal sense of the phrase, money can buy happiness. Someday all emotion will come in capsules."

[Taylor Jones]

"That sounds pretty vicious." Taylor says.

"But-" She stops herself. "Well..." She pauses for a moment, thinking of a rebuttal. "But they don't want the pills to make them feel happy when their not, they want what will really make them happy. And money just can't by that. Emotions in capsules aren't really emotions, they're fake."

"Money just can't buy everything." Usually, she doesn't defend her opinions like this, but she's having fun and doesn't really care. She worries for a moment that Calithin is going to think her ideas stupid, or make fun of her, but pushes the thought to the back of her mind. Really, she needs to stop caring what people will think of her.

[Calithin Crest]

I put my hands in my pockets and take this in.

"No, no. Don't be bananas. Don't be bananas or I'll cut you in half, get some ice cream, buy a couple toppings and feed you to the people for desert. Cannibalism is not cool. No one wants to eat people. Ew."

I'm probably the only one that thinks I'm funny.

"All I'm saying is... Unless someone wants to get picky about what they consider real happiness, whatever that means, buying yourself some grade A emotion is totally possible. Pills and jet skis, that's what the world needs. I'm going to start a charity to provide pills and jet skis to unhappy people... It'll be a sub-department in the charity I already own... Which is called 'Febreezing the Poor.'"

I pause.

"It's not what you're thinking though. That's where I go around and spray homeless people with Febreeze... Unless that is what you were thinking-- in which case you'd be right. Don't get me wrong. I'm not a jerk. I'm just practical. Who are you going to give your spare change to... The guy that smells like rotting garbage or the guy that smells like Ocean Breeze? COME ON."

[Taylor Jones]

Taylor cocks an eyebrow, shaking her head and laughing a bit. "I guess you're right."

"Febreeze? Why Febreeze?" She asks. "I could think of something that smells so much better than Febreeze...like Chanel No. 5. I'd give my money to the homeless guy smelling like Chanel No. 5 before I'd give it to the guy who smelled like Ocean Breeze."

[Calithin Crest]

"Oh man! It's my charity! Lay off. Gosh. Critical."

I shake my head, disgruntled, as we come up on the office.

"Anyway, thanks for meeting with me on such short notice. I know I, like, do this sort of thing all the time... I'll... Uh... Give you a nice bonus around the holidays or something so you can go buy yourself something nice. Like a tiger."

I love me some tigers.

[Taylor Jones]

"It's constructive criticism." She points out. "Which will only help you in the long run."

"Really, its no problem." Taylor says, sitting down at her desk, pressing the power button on her computer, and waiting patiently for it to boot up, while she waits she pulls a pad of paper and a pen out of a drawer, and writes down most of the things she needs to do, just so she doesn't forget.

"Thanks. But I think I'd rather have a giraffe than a tiger. I've always liked giraffes better."

[Calithin Crest]

"WHAT!? That's insanity. Careful being that crazy or pretty soon the ladies will be lining up... Not single file though. They're feisty. Then you'll have to get yourself some 'lady insurance' cuz they'll be dropping like flies, but by that point Oprah won't care cuz she's already done a special on my crazy-loving ladies so you'll be forced to settle for..."

I gulp loudly and dramatically.

"The Tyra Banks show. And God knows no one wants to be on that poor excuse for a television program if they can help it. But you won't be able to help it! Because you'll need to subsidy money in order to afford your insurance payments. Those things are through the roof. Know where your insurance offices are? The moon. Get it? Through. The. Roof."

I smile to myself. That one was witty.

"Anyway, I'm going to try to catch my next meeting... But before I go... High five!"

I hold up my hand so she can high-five it.

[Taylor Jones]

"Oh no, what was I thinking? I don't want to end up on the Tyra Banks Show." Taylor laughs and high fives Calithin. "Have...fun at your meeting." She says, lamely.

Turning back to her computer, which is now fully booted up, she starts to type out the apology cards, simultaneously dialing the numbers of the people she needs to reschedule appointments with. Efficiency was something Taylor prided herself on.

[Calithin Crest]

"Seriously though."

I smile and head down the hall to one of our many conference rooms for a meeting with leading members of the Research&Development department. After that I go to my office and spend a few hours making calls or doing paper work.

[Tuesday DeCastro]

Tuesday saw a man down the hall, who waved, grinned, and winked, before walking over. So that was what Bambi was looking at, not that Tuesday could blame her for looking, he was adorable. She ran a hand through her hair.

She looked back at the papers for a moment, she was almost finished dividing them between the piles with the Global Bank seal and the Genetech seal, however, she had a rather large clump of post it notes stuck to the edge of the desk.

Tuesday turned her attention back to Bambi and the man that'd joined them who seemed to know Bambi. "Who's your friend?" She asked with a smile.